Dating With Celiac Disease

Dating with celiac disease can trigger a wide array of emotions and fears. From wondering what or if you should tell the person you’re seeing about your needs, to worrying about how they will react: dating with celiac can be tough.

For me, it was hard navigating the dating scene as I had to do it starting in high school (~10 years ago). Over time, I’ve learned some tips and tricks along the way that I want to share with you.

In this post, we will cover all things romance with celiac disease. From knowing what and how to explain your gluten-free needs, to preventing getting glutened from being intimate to expressing yourself romantically and safely.

Table of Contents

Dating and Celiac Disease - Tayler Silfverduk, RD

Dating with Celiac Disease Can be Hard

Dating with celiac is hard. A survey done by Beyond Celiac discussing the impacts of celiac on dating in celiac adults found that 40% of 600 participants said they were uncomfortable explaining needs to service staff in front of their dates, 30% said they knowingly took risks on dates, and 20% reporting dating as flat-out unenjoyable.

On top of that, celiac disease impacts body image. From weight gain to celiac bloating, it can be uncomfortable dating if you’re unhappy with the new ways your body is showing up.

I’m holding space for the challenge of being vulnerable so early on in the dating scene with celiac. I’m holding space for the way celiac makes an already nerve-wracking experience, that much more stressful.

Lastly, I am holding space for any hurtful encounters you may have had along your dating journey. Know that I stand with you. You are not alone.

And I want to use this data to help share with you ways to make dating with celiac disease better.

Tips for Dating With Celiac Disease - Dating and Celiac Disease - Tayler Silfverduk, RD

Tips for Dating with Celiac Disease

Because dating with celiac disease can be hard, I want to share with you some tips on how to make it better. From deciding when to disclose your needs, setting boundaries, to keeping yourself safe from gluten, below are my tips for dating with celiac disease.

Take Inventory of Your Comfort Level

When dating with celiac disease, my first tip is to sit down and figure out where your comfort level lies with disclosing your gluten-free needs to potential partners. Depending on what you decide, you may start dates off with non-food-related activities instead of diving into a dinner date with a stranger.

For example: if you are comfortable with sharing with your date that you have celiac, you might explain your needs and offer 3 celiac-friendly restaurants you can dine out at together.

But if you aren’t comfortable with sharing that you have celiac disease with your date immediately, then you might invite them to go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee or tea, or some other non-food-related activity.

Keep in mind, depending on who you date and talk to, your comfort level may change. This is normal.

Telling Your Date That You Have Celiac Disease

When dating with celiac disease it can be scary to tell your date that you have celiac disease. With a gluten-free diet often being a fad diet, and with a lack of awareness surrounding celiac, it’s normal to worry about how they will react.

As discussed previously, figuring out when you’re comfortable sharing about celiac disease can help you plan less stressful dates until you’re ready to share. Once you’re ready to share, it can be hard to know exactly what to say. Some scripts to spark inspiration are below:

  • Hey, I loved grabbing coffee with you, do you want to grab dinner? Yes? Awesome, just so you know, I have celiac disease so I have to eat at restaurants with gluten-free options. I like (list 3 restaurants), do any of these sound good to you?
  • Hey! That walk in the park the other day was awesome. I was just recently diagnosed with celiac and am working on building up comfort with dining out, would you mind coming over and cooking dinner together instead? I make a delicious (insert gluten-free recipe here).
  • Thanks for grabbing coffee with me, do you want to get dinner sometime? What do you think about any of these restaurants (list 3 restaurants?). Cool, just so you know, I have to eat gluten-free for celiac so I’ll have to talk to the server when we arrive to make sure my food is prepared safely. 

Alternatively, disclosing celiac disease might naturally come up in conversation on one of your non-food-related dates. In this case, pay attention to how your date reacts. Do they seem engaged? Do they seem insensitive? If they are insensitive, is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with anyways?

Preventing Getting Glutened By Your Date - Yes, you can be glutened by kissing- Tayler Silfverduk, RD

Can you get Glutened by Kissing Your Date?

So we’ve gotten over the hard part of dating with celiac disease; disclosing that we have celiac to our date. But some might say that disclosing you needs around being intimate might be even harder.

Now, like a lot of cross-contact precautions, we don’t have research that pertains to this point of cross-contact. This is a huge issue across the board with celiac-safety. Most of our recommendations are based on an over-abundance of caution not research. However this is changing.

And while we don’t currently have research specifically on gluten transference when kissing, we do have research proving the transference of other allergenic proteins when kissing.

In fact, a 2006 study on the transference of peanut proteins through saliva found that the allergenic proteins did transfer with saliva mouth to mouth when kissing. While gluten isn’t a peanut protein, it is a complex protein that likely would behave in a similar way.

However, it is important to mention that the amount of peanut proteins found was not even close to an amount of gluten that would trigger a reaction.

So how do you manage this? Well extrapolating the peanut kissing research, kissing and gluten exposure should not generally be a concern. However, your comfort level matters, so if you’re worried about it, you have a few options:

  • Ask your date to have a gluten-free meal so you don’t have to worry
  • If your date does consume gluten, have them brush their teeth and rinse their mouth afterward
  • Alternatively, wait a few hours before kissing your date
  • If your date has a beard, also be careful about any gluten crumbs getting stuck in it, they may need to wash this as well.

But the question is: how in the world do you tell your date this? I won’t sugarcoat it, it’s going to suck. I recommend being honest about it. Let them know “Because I have celiac, kissing could make me sick if you’ve just eaten gluten, I’ve got a toothbrush & toothpaste you can use if you choose to eat gluten for this reason!”

Long-Term Dating and Celiac Disease - Tayler Silfverduk, RD

Long-Term Dating With Celiac

So we’ve covered the challenges of dating, how to dine out safely with celiac while dating, how to kiss safely with celiac disease, now let’s talk about long-term relationships. When dating long-term there are a couple of things to consider: how you’ll set up your future kitchen together, how you’ll handle family gatherings, and your love languages.

Talking About Your Kitchen Set-Up

When dating with celiac disease, it is essential both you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to the next step of dating: living together. I say this because if you aren’t on the same page when it comes to living in a dedicated gluten-free home or a shared home, then you might be in for a world of hurt when the day comes to share a kitchen.

For me, when I started dating my partner Kyle, I knew there was no way he’d go gluten-free. And it’s something we talked about often.

Because I knew we’d end up in a shared kitchen, I started teaching him how to keep me safe from cross-contact whenever I could. Which is another reason for talking about this stage of your relationship before it happens. If you know you will be living gluten-free in a shared home, it’s important to start preparing your partner to keep you safe when you finally do move in together.

This might not be as big of a concern if your partner is okay with being gluten-free in your home, but depending on what your needs are, this is important to figure out what their willing to do to support you in the future.

Handling Your Partners Family and Friends

When dating with celiac disease, it is not just about how you’ll share your need with the person you’re dating, but as you progress, you also need to figure out how this will impact your interactions with their friends and family.

Having a discussion on expectations for support in these settings with your partner is essential. For example, when I first started dating Kyle, his family invited me over for dinner. I remember telling his parents I need to be gluten-free for celiac and his father immediately supported me but his mother… didn’t seem to understand.

I remember my boyfriend telling me his mother thought I was a hypochondriac (ouch), and telling him I need him to defend me in those situations. Unfortunately, you’re the stranger when it comes to interacting with your partner’s friends and family. Meaning, your partner will have a lot more respect and sway in convincing them of your needs and you need them to use that influence.

Setting the expectation that you need support from your partner when sharing your gluten-free needs with their friends and family is important. On that same note, making sure they know to let their loved ones know of your gluten-free needs when invited to events is also important.

And again, if they are unwilling to work with you on supporting you, is this someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with? You don’t have to follow all of my suggestions, but I can’t stress enough that support from your partner is essential in a successful relationship and healthy life.

5 Love Languages (celiac dating edition) - Tayler Silfverduk, RD

Expressing Your Love for Your Partner

Whether you have celiac disease or you’re dating someone with celiac disease, expressing your love is important to your relationship. While I’m not a romance or relationship expert, I think sharing some celiac-safe ways to express love for your partner may be helpful.

Let’s start by talking about love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The 5 Love Languages” which proposes that there are 5 ways a person may express or prefer others’ love be expressed.

I was inspired to look into this further based on Margaret from MI Gluten-Free’s Instagram post.

These languages include acts of service, gift-giving, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. Knowing which you prefer and what your partner prefers can help support your relationship. Below are examples of ways to express the 5 love languages while honoring gluten-free needs:

  • Acts of Service: Craving pizza? I’ll make you a gluten-free pizza, even if it means I have to go to the store to buy the right ingredients. Or maybe you want a takeout from a restaurant, I’ll drive the extra mile to get you a safe meal and I’ll even call ahead and ask for the proper cross-contact precautions.
  • Gift Giving: I found these new gluten-free cookies at the grocery store, I hope you like them! Or I bought you some chocolate, don’t worry, I checked the label to make sure it’s gluten-free. (Also friendly reminder: flowers are always gluten-free *wink*)
  • Quality Time: Let’s spend some time learning how to make a new gluten-free recipe! Or maybe we can plan a weekend trip in a city with lots of gluten-free restaurants to try!
  • Word of Affirmation: While almost always gluten-free, remember celiac plays a huge role in someone’s life. Making sure you keep negative thoughts around gluten-free foods to yourself can be powerful. And when you do like something gluten-free, sharing your thoughts can also be powerful.
  • Physical Touch: I’m sorry you were glutened, can I give you a tummy massage to help with your bloating? WAIT, don’t kiss me yet, let me go brush my teeth and rinse my mouth!

Dating With Celiac is Possible

Dating with celiac disease is possible. I know it feels scary. I know you’ve likely heard or experienced some unkind partners on dates.

And I am holding space for that fear and that pain you’ve had when dating. And I am also hear to tell you that you are worthy of love and your value does not change just because you’re gluten-free when dating.

And if you need help with building up confidence with living gluten-free, dating, avoiding cross-contact, etc. Check out my Confident Celiac Group Program or my Self-Pace Celiac Crash Course.

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